Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
