I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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