Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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