Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
