I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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