I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
