I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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