porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize