I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
