I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
