I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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