I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm like, not good at living.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
