Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
