wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
