so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
