maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
