Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
