my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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