I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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