You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
