the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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