ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
