this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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