you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
