that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You don't make any sense
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