I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
