Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
