Nicole vs. Life
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Someone came in the potted fern
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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