remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
