He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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