he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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