shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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