I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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