I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Bring me that man meat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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