Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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