she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
