I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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