you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this just has baby written all over it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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