It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
