So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The air was thick with penises
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
