He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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