I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
