The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
