other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
