Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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