can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
