I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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