What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
