Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
