Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pants are for mortals
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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