I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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