I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
tell me about the fingering
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