God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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