It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
