My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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