just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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