And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
