Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize