Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
